Indecisiveness plagues the mind like a mild form of suicide.
I should know:
I battled these demons most of my “former” life.
Life or Death?
It may seem jarring to compare
suicidal tendencies to your ability to follow through on your commitments.
Can I do __________?
Or should I quit _________?
Your integrity quotient and ability to access prosperity is inseparably linked to your willingness to follow through on what you say you will do.
Questions of indecisiveness are like what Shanda Sumpter refers to as the “gray area of destruction.”
Questions of doubt and fear suffocate your light like mini-deaths. Such musings undermine your ability to receive abundance.
Your indecisiveness sabotages your attempts on the path to success.
I can relate to that wasteland of ambivalence, self-doubt, and fear.
And yes, depression and suicidal tendencies littered the dark side of my journey on the path to prosperity.
On my 13th birthday, I woke up cloaked in that blanket of apathy. I searched for a remedy. A bottle of Tylenol. A romantic gesture. 13 pills, one for each year of my young life.
My mom worked as a nurse. She would be gone all day. My dad lived with his new family on the other side of the country.
My act was not motivated by drama, just a twisted act of self-love to end the pain.
I called my best friend Jane and informed her. I returned to bed, fully expecting to never wake again. Hours later, I woke up, my ears ringing for weeks.
I flirted with suicide many times after my first attempt.
The faint scars on my wrist trace that wounded history. I immersed myself in the writings of Virginia Woolf, Kate Chopin, and Anne Sexton. In The Awakening the heroine drowned in the sea’s embrace.
I fantasized about the best way to end one’s life.
Sometimes, I hurt myself to deflect another’s anger. Each time, I was not quite “successful.” I almost felt a sense of pride about my repeated hospitalizations for suicide attempts. A warped sense of superiority at being wounded, the never-ending victim.
I share these darker moments of my past because they are not so different from falling short of your dreams.
Suicide and indecisiveness may seem like strange bedfellows.
The suicidal turn away from life when they invoke Hamlet’s soliloquy: “To be or not to be . . .”
Yet when you question whether you can follow through on your commitment, you lower your vibration.
When you ask,
Can I keep my commitments?
You invite in the darkness.
You turn away from Light and Grace and Truth.
Commitment is the antithesis of indecisiveness.
When you are committed, you are willing to do whatever it takes to see your vision through. You say YES to your life. You say YES to your vision.
When you know that no matter what comes, you can realize your vision.
Imagine the freedom that comes from knowing:
I trust myself to finish what I start.
If you want to shift to prosperity, change the questions you ask yourself.
Eliminate “Can I do this?” and replace it with “How can I do this? How can I make this happen? “
Start by rooting out those noxious weeds from your conscious mind.
And watch as you step into your power.
Every moment, we choose love or we choose fear and death.