I am sitting in the yoga shala in ceremony.
My daughter Jalen is sandwiched between me and AJ, my partner of 23 years.
AJ & I have been separated almost 2 years.
Working with the special brew of ayahuasca, I feel stirring in my body the dense emotions that create separation.
Most of the ceremony I sit in the discomfort of my shadow.
With so much heartache & remorse & self-loathing rising up to the surface to be dissolved,
I sink into deeper responsibility for my part.
I am shown my wounded feminine and how I prodded, castrated, and blamed the man I loved to create distance.
So much of this was unconscious, acting out the programs I had learned. Underneath it all was the little girl in me terrified of being abandoned.
If you are anything like me, we create mini dramas so compelling (and heck, this is what is happening in the physical reality)
so we do not have to acknowledge & feel our deeper wounds.
For example, if we believe we are not worthy of love, we will create situations in our life to reflect that unconscious belief.
Because we create our reality!
This is why I work with sacred plant medicine.
It is not the only way.
Yet it has helped me unearth & transmute what my ego mind is trying so desperately to keep intact.
Because these parts of my self protected & sustained me in my childhood.
Over 3 ceremonies the sacred medicine illuminated these shadow aspects of myself, to be healed. The vixen, the shrewd, the manipulator. To name a few.
By looking unflinchingly at my shadow with acceptance & love, I transcend the blame & guilt.
Blame & guilt are false programs that keep us anchored in the Matrix.
These are not our truth!
After witnessing & embracing my shadow,
I return to my essence,
which is love.
I look across the room,
Here is the man I married, the father of my 3 children, leaning back, kingly on his mat.
Even after all these years,
I would choose him again.
Because of his essence, the warrior / guardian,
how he shows up,
how he serves others, the tenor of his heart, how he protects & provides,
His wisdom & silent demeanor,
not one to boast or prove himself,
Yet when inspired, he speaks & shares, & people listen.
He is not perfect.
Neither am I.
And we are still separated.
I questioned whether I should share this…
Because the ego wants to pin it down.
Make meaning neat & tidy.
Instead, I trust & surrender to the highest timeline for each of us, and our family.
And regardless of the outcome,
What I know,
what I am…
What you are…
What we are…
Shifting the timeline of our life is like stepping through a portal.
Leaving behind the guilt, shame, regret, resentment, anger, doubt, all these vibrational feelings that are simply not who we are.
They are RESPONSES to a story we are telling ourselves.
And these stories hold us back from realizing our highest potential.
We are here to transcend the stories of our past,
the wounds from our childhood,
The trauma passed down generation to generation that causes us to act on these programs.
Driven by fear, shame, guilt, feeling unworthy… not lovable.
When we can see & feel these ancestral patterns as the Observer, we have the power to heal these generational imprints.
So we become truly free.
Evolve & Be Free
P.S. I created a training on how to access higher levels of freedom.
It’s the pre-module that I give to my private clients to empower them with understanding the tools of Quantum Creation.
If you would like the recording of the activation, pm me or type “Freedom” below.
Messy fruitful muck of life…
“Shine on you crazy diamond…”
I felt this so deeply. I love and respect your honesty and vulnerability. Love you (and your family), Tera!
This is very deep Tera. Thanks for sharing