Have you ever felt paralyzed with fear?
My son taught me the secret to overcoming fear.
My 6-year-old joined swim team this summer. The sport wasn’t his decision, but being a good swimmer is non-negotiable in our family. Like reading, eating vegetables, and learning how to pray.
As the mother, I need to know that my children are strong enough to negotiate the ocean waves. Or if our car plummeted into the bay.
At the swim meet parents and coaches shouted to cheer the swimmers. The pool deck was packed like a Saturday morning market, no place to breathe.
My son Jayce was determined to win the race. As a baby, he learned how to float. He was confident in the water. He should do well.
As the announcer shouted, “On your mark.” The 6-year-old boys perched their bodies on the edge of the pool. The horn blasted, and all the swimmers dove in. But the sound of the Announcer and the horn unnerved him. After he dove into the water, he faltered. Retreating, he climbed out of the pool in tears.
He wanted to finish the race, but fear stood in his way.
All week, he prepared again. I was impressed by his resolve: doing twelve 20 yd. laps in our community pool. He dreamt of winning the race. This time would be different.
But the next swim meet, he waited for his heat with the other 6-year-olds. It was coming up. His coach leaned over to talk to him. From afar, I watched Jayce wipe the tears from his eyes. I quietly worked to assist him with energy work.
But fear loomed bigger than him. He stopped. He refused to swim in his heat.
My heart sunk with a mother’s concern. Sure, it was only a swim meet. But this experience of shrinking from fear could set a deep pattern for him. I knew only too well that pattern in my own life and in my family. It took me years to learn the secret to overcoming fear. I wanted for life to be easier for him. I hoped he could choose other lessons.
How often do you stop short of your fears?
The fears seem so real for us. We believe them and their power. We believe our own stories. It’s easy to look at a child and know that there is nothing to be afraid of diving into the water. To coach him to tune out the horn blast and the cheering crowds. But your fears are not so different. Only you can give your fears that power.
The first step to overcoming fear is to recognize your resistance as fear. Do you look at technology and freeze up? Are there so many tasks on your list today that you freeze up in overwhelm? Do you make a commitment to yourself, but fall short of your decision? Afraid to take a leap?
When we name our fear as fear, it loses its power. What fear is stopping you from getting what you want? My specialty is removing money blocks, but fear is often at the root.
Stay tuned for the second part of The Secret to Overcoming Fear in the next post. I share how Jayce navigated his fear and how you can too.
Share your thoughts below about fear and stopping short. Let’s continue the conversation.
For me “fear” or hence being shy is one in the same. people were to scary.I was not sure where it started, but looking back, I now believe I was born with it and it manifested into many other things as I grew at a young age. Its so easy for bullies to show up in my lfe and tear me down or what i came to know “being hurt”,who knew you were insecure and an easy target and nonthreatening. Overcoming it as I grew and going into my adult life was challenging, but with positive friends/peers/teachers and great boss’s had a lot to do with building confidence. Interesting enough another trigger word that awoke me from my past was not feeling “safe”. My paper route was a new start in a path of feeling “safe” with a select few people who weren’t scary, at age 13. I learn collecting weekly newspaper money from many of my customers who were elderly. That old people were safe.
Thanks for sharing, Kevin. What do you notice about more recent fears or blocks? Are they still feeling strong? Or are they becoming an old story?
As children my brothers and I would scare one another when it was our turn to put the milk bottles out for milk the next day. From the back door to the mailbox would be about a 5second dash. We would make woo-oooo!!! noises and say the bogey man is coming to get you, haha. Believe me I used to be scared out of my wits when it was my turn. As an adult today, I have learned over the years through attending church, “If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear”. I have experienced many of my fears dissipate when ever I practice being prepared. However, there are some fears that continue to plague me, especially when I look at procrastination as a fear. Thank you for your story about your son, I suppose all the labels I put on things actually refer to some kind of fear when I take a good look at it. It makes me wonder about money then that I procrastinate having it haha, Wow what a discovery, do I really do that?
Underneath many blocks is the root of fear or anger. I love that insight about procrastination and money, Eleanor? Fear is funny though. Light dispels darkness. When we shed light on fear, it dissipates.
Fear has been my constant companion most of my life. I let it stop me all the time. It takes the form of apathy, “I don’t care”, “I don’t want/have to do this”. And then throw in the giant learning curve of technology, and writing for the website, or the blog, putting myself out there, I stop and go backwards. I have thought of my telesummit title and tag line, and have not yet posted it. Today I cleaned out my 40 years of accumulated jewelry in preparation for the big garage sale I am having over Labor Day weekend. Letting go of the past when it has been a haven for many years is a challenge. Now my stomach hurts. Breathe Dottie, and again. Thanks Tera.
Just one step at a time, Dottie. Wow, what a feat to let go of so much stuff! That is to be commended. The energy of actually writing down a title and tagline feels better than the nagging energy of not doing it. Each time we say yes (even in small ways such as de-cluttering) to our vision, we increase our power and our self-worth!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
I recently heard Guy Finley say, “What is fear afraid of? Fear is afraid of the same thing a liar is afraid of…being exposed.” He went on to explain that fear is a lie. Sometimes, as you say, all it takes to dissipate it is to shed a little light on the subject, to really look at it and see it for what it is – “a monster under the bed.”
I love that quote, Regina.
Great Post! In my experience as a coach I have learned that we humans have an amazing capacity for fear! We fear success as much as we fear failure. We fear close relationships and we fear being alone. And it goes on and on. It is a wonderful moment when my clients have that “aha” moment and realize that they are enough, just as they are and fear is nothing more than a story we choose to believe and we can choose a different more empowering story to believe. Keep up the inspiring work, Tera!